Professor Chaos

No, not Butters from South Park’s adorable superhero alter ego — this Professor Chaos is a sativa-dominant hybrid with a complex taste and supercharged cerebral effects. The strain is a cross between two potent varieties in their own right: Jack Herer-descended Jack The Ripper and Mad Scientist, an indica that gave us Dr. Who. Professor Chaos provides smokers with the energy and creative thinking needed to accomplish anything from errands to more complicated work. Its THC content ranges from 20% to 25%.

Even at a glance, Professor Chaos’ flowers are impressive enough to live up to their grandiose name. The tapered, medium-sized buds have a fluffy, sativa-like texture and the leaves tear away easily from the central stem. Leaves themselves are a light green, offset by pistils that range in color from yellow to deep orange. The chunky buds are dusted by icy trichomes, making this strain slightly sticky to the touch. When properly cured, the flowers smell strongly of tangy, sour citrus. Grinding or breaking open the buds gives off a more piney odor. Although Professor Chaos’ taste isn’t especially memorable, users may detect a spiciness when exhaling. This is a very pungent strain — its funk can linger for a while after users have finished smoking.

Professor Chaos has a high that hits the smoker relatively quickly. Users may feel an increased pressure around the eyes and temples and a heightened sense of awareness. If not overly disoriented, they may then detect a change in thinking that can jump from one subject to the next in a freely associative way. If consumed in moderation, this cerebral strain can aid tasks that require problem-solving skills and creative thinking. Meanwhile, a slight body high confers relaxation and may mellow out any edge brought by the more cerebral effects. Professor Chaos has medical applications that mirror its recreational uses. Its soaring euphoric effects can temporarily improve move for those afflicted with stress and depression. If pointed in the right direction, its sense of focus can also help those with attention deficit disorders to work on a single task. Overall, this strain’s boost of energy is an asset for anyone who suffers from constant lethargy, or just needs a pick me up before getting things done. Professor Chaos’ mild physical high can also be a somewhat effective analgesic that treats chronic aches and pains without weighing users down with couchlock. Because of this strain’s tendency to induce racing recursive thinking, it is not recommended for those prone to anxiety or paranoia. Its frenzied nature means that this is also not a strain for bedtime use, as it’s likely to keep smokers more wired than drowsy. Professor Chaos’ high is said to last longer than average, even for more experienced cannabis consumers.

At least two companies — TGA Genetics and Homegrown Natural Wonders — have seeds of Professor Chaos for commercial sale. Prospective growers may also be lucky enough to obtain clippings of this comparatively rare strain to grow as genetically identical “clones.” Professor Chaos can be cultivated indoors or outdoors, although outdoor growing calls for semi-humid, Mediterranean-like climates with daytime temperatures in the 70 degree Fahrenheit range. If grown indoors, this medium-height plant should be trained to fit into its grow space through the pruning and bending of branches early in the vegetative stage. Professor Chaos flowers within 8 to 9 weeks — a relatively short period of time for a sativa. Growers should also be warned that this is a very pungent strain, during both vegetative and flowering stages. Those looking to keep their operations discreet should invest in odor control measures like carbon air filter and exhaust fans.

With a rollicking high that stimulates thought but also entails physical relaxation, Professor Chaos is a great choice for a range of situations. Its energetic and alert nature works well in social situations, easing potential tension and driving conversation. It’s also appropriate for solo use, as it can push users to accomplish tasks they might otherwise find dull. If you do sample Professor Chaos, just don’t let it drive you to cover yourself in tinfoil and launch an ill-fated campaign of supervillainy like our old friend Butters.